blended families

define what it means to be a blended family? think about that for a second and share what you think the definition of a blended family is. this has been something that has been on my mind for a while, and more so as of late. over the past few weeks a dear friend [denise] and i have been talking about this idea of a "blended family" and what it means. we have been in process over the term and how God views such families. think about this, what are the "requirements" placed on the family by the church for a family to be considered "blended" - but here is an even more important question - how does the church truly VIEW "blended families?" why do some churches see "blended families?" as "less then" families? you see, for me all families are blended - all families. all families blend together traditions, culture, family and friends; all families are are blended.

but let me share with you a little story of a man who decided to take the "plunge" and marry a women who had a child. he was not sure about it, because he knew that in "church circles" the family would be seen as "less then normal" [he knew that the traditional view of a "blended family" was not viewed as the "primary family" in the eyes of some church people] - but he did it anyway. he loved the women so deeply and knew he would be a good father figure and could teach the child how to be a good man, a "godly man." so he did so, he married her and raised the child as if he was his own. even after bring other children into the marriage this man loved his eldest son and never thought in terms of a "blended family."

this man was named joseph and his son was named Jesus - think about that. our savior, our Lord, our light and model for all we do as followers is the product of a blended family - he was raised by the love and care of a man who felt God had brought him and mary together - he gave his all to teach his son, yes i am certain joseph saw Jesus as "his son," and loved him with all his heart. when we see the family of our savior as a "blended" family we start seeing things with different eyes - we start to see how God is working in the lives of others. if we see blended families as "less then" what we are saying is that Jesus was raised in a "less then" family.

so, how does one define "blended families?" i think we need to lose that term in the church and focus on what it means to be a "godly family" - what does it mean to be a family where God is the center, and where God is the guide to marriage and the way we relate to each other. you see, "blended" does not matter if we are not willing to allow God to be the "blending agent" in the family. you see, i believe what matters the most is that God is the center of the marriage and everything we do is founded on knowing, loving, and seeking to please God first. when we worship as a family, pray as a family, study as a family, share life as a family and know that God is the absolute center of that, nothing else matters; because with God all things are possible.

words that guide my faith journey

over the past few years i have been processing a great deal of life - some great, some good and some not so good - but life never the less. in that processing, i have been thinking a great deal about my faith journey and what God is doing to refine my faith walk. when i think of my faith journey some very important words come to mind, and help me in the process - let me share with you a few of the words that have great meaning to me:

forgiveness: i start with forgiveness because i believe it to be the most important thing that i as a follower must offer to others. to me, this is the most important part of my faith. i see forgiveness as so central to my journey that without it i feel i can easily walk off the path. for me, this is my forgiving those who have done me wrong, and knowing i am forgiven for the wrongs i have done others - believe it or not, in my heart, forgiveness starts and flows from God - i can not forgive on my own, i need to be in a constant relationship with Christ to truly express forgiveness to others - i need to trust in Christ to guide my heart to truly wanting to forgive those who have hurt me - while it is hard, i believe it is not impossible. i need to keep in mind that if i do not forgive others, i will never be forgiven my sins.

grace: this is me acting in kindness, finding a kind way of expressing thoughts that may see different then the ones held by others. it has not always been my strongest reality, but it is one i am trying hard to develop. you see, i can tell the truth in all cases and with grace i can make that truth meaningful, without hurting the feelings of others.

caring: i need to be ready to go that extra mile for others, even when i do not want to - and i have to admit that i have failed on this one big time. you see, sometimes [many times] i am unwilling to go that extra mile - i am unwilling to give of myself to the point where it is uncomfortable. interestingly, i have found that i am willing to help those i see as "being in need" but i am less likely to help those i see as "not needing" - i will give a homeless man some money, but am i willing to give to a man who has all? to be "caring" to me means we need to redefine what we see as "needs" and know that without Christ we are all in need.

love: believe it or not, love is not "high" on my list of words, not because it is not important, but because i believe we can not truly love until we forgive, care, and show grace to those around us - some would say that before we can do all that we need to love - but for me in my journey, i find loving someone as easy - i find caring for them, showing grace to them and forgiving them hard. for me, in my journey, i have found love to be over rated and fleeting.

acceptance: this may seem like grace, but i think it is deeper and harder. you see, we can show "grace" to a gay or lesbian, but can we accept them for who they are? we are quick to discount the "lifestyle" as "against a christian life style" but we have to ask - so are many other things we ignore. one pastor friend said, "God said he hated homosexuals" so we can not allow them into the church - ok, but the palmist tells us that God hates all who do wrong [plms 5:5]. so if we use what God hates as a bar from the church, we would have some pretty empty churches - oh, wait we do.

optimism: i just can not have a negative attitude when it comes to my faith - i have to see the good things in life. too much of our faith is based on what we are against, but it should be measured by what we are for. if we are for very little, we then need to rethink our faith and determine what it is we believe in.

journey: faith for me is not a destination, it is a journey - a walk, a rose i travel to find my way and experience how God works in my daily walk. if we view our faith as a destination, we stop our journey when we think we have arrived. if we say, "accept Jesus as your lord and savior and you will have eternal life" and "eternal life" is our destination, then simply by accepting Jesus we have arrived at our destination and the faith journey is over - so, for me, i need to rethink what it means to "accept Jesus as my lord and savior" not as a destination, but as a starting point where i work out my salvation in fear and trembling.

life: too many followers i know just do not like life - and man, we need to truly enjoy life. i seek to embrace it and live among God's people - i seek to express my life in words, art, song and deeds - i seek to eat at the table of life and feast on all that God has made - we need to stop acting like we were pickled upon baptism, and start acting like we truly have a new life in Christ.

unity: i seek to find the common ideas between us, and not seek out the differences. we have spent years looking for what divides us as a faith group and we need to stop and find our united center again.

fluid: things flow, and God sends waves of change into our lives. if i am unwilling to see the waves, i can not be doing what God asks of me - so i need to be fluid in my ideas, expressions and direction - totally and completely open to the powers of God.

were do we find common ground?

before i start, i want to explain that i believe Jesus is my Lord and Savior - while i have never had an issue with that, i have to say i am very uncomfortable thinking i need to say that before i go on - and why is that? because i am going to write about "common grounds" between christianity and islam - and i know, if i did not "qualify my words" some would take them out of context - and that is the scary part. there are some who would refuse to dialog, and i pray for them all.

recently i came upon a site called "a common word" where some 250 islamic leaders [originaly 139 signed and more were added] signed an open letter to the christian church seeking dialog between us and them - and that is very cool. they sought to open the dialog with what we hold in common - our belief in one God and our love for others. this excited me because i saw it as a way of being able to stand and talk - to come to the table with two core, common realities and start a dialog of peace - peace between the two major religious groups of the world - because if we are not at peace with each other, the world will never be at peace. but i wonder if it is really possible? not on the islamic end, but on the christain end.

as i read through the site i was impressed with the words of many of our "christian leaders" - but not overly impressed; there was subtance but very little "let's have a cup of coffee and talk" stuff happening. we can do more - how? easy. as local church leaders we can open dialog and friendships with local islamic leaders; we can go and have a cup of coffee - we can start this at a grass roots level, where our voices are not heard on a national stage, but in the hearts of local people, where it counts. while i am encouraged over the voices of the "leaders" i am reminded that for us, Jesus is the head of the church [the true leader] and we are representatives of Jesus on earth - so we, the local church people [pastors and all], should be taking the actions to speak to the hearts and minds of islamic followers in our communities - not to convert, but to have an open, honest and meaningful dialog on what we hold in common -

let's be honest, it is too easy to find the differences, and to be honest i think it is cheap to find them - what costs more, what drives our hearts, should be the desire to find a common ground - a common word - where we can stand and stop the killing in the name of religion - if not, if we are unwilling to take that step we will soon find the world at war, based on the misconceptions we hold about each other and that would be very sad.

changing the world

do we as followers have a faith that can change the world? i often wonder, because if i hear many evangelicals right, our faith is not enough to change us - never mind the world we live in. if, our faith is unable to cause in us a new life, what makes us think we can make a new world? what makes us think we can bring something to the world that will change the direction? if, our faith just "saves us" but does not "change us" what value is it? what value is a faith that does not change our walk, direction or journey?

i was wondering this today as i sit in my favorite coffee shop sucking on my chai latte - what value is a faith that does not change us at a core? if all we can say is "i am saved" but not changed, are we truly saved? it seems to me that we have a great deal more to think about when it comes to the words of Jesus and paul - that when we decide to follow Jesus we are changed, we become a new person - we no longer desire the things we did before - we become "children of God" and in that we seek to live a life of love and forgiveness. we search for ways to unite and not divide; we strive to know others and love them - because we are told we must. if, we are not changed and if we are not seeking out a path of love and forgiveness we can not claim to be followers on a journey of faith where Jesus is the lead.

that may sound harsh, but i am tired of hearing "followers" claiming to love others and yet not wanting to truly love them - people who claim forgiveness, but who do not forgive. i desire to be connected with people who truly desire to live a changed life and seek out the kingdom of God on earth - by loving others and truly forgiving those who have done us wrong - consider it a "christian sanity" where when we strive to be "sane" we know we are to follow the teachings of Christ, even the hard ones.

check out these passages [click here]

searching for grace

where do you find grace? where can we, as humans, find grace and unconditional love? where can we find a place that welcomes us for us? where can we be loved for who we are and not what others demand of us? where can we find a place where we are acknowledged as having value? where can we find a place that helps us over come the pains of life? where can we find a place that simply will help take the pressures off our shoulder? where are we welcomed when we are broken? when we are lost? when we are searching? when we are crying out in pain? where do we find grace?

to be honest, i am not sure. i am not sure where we could ever find this place - a place that just takes you as you - a place that allows you to be flawed, and loves you in spite of the flaws. while i expect the "let down" of people, i do not expect the "let down" of people who profess to be "followers" of "the way." you see, at some level i expect "people" to stab me in the back, but i do not expect to fall to "friendly fire." how do we get past that? how do we get to the point where we as followers truly live in grace?

i am flawed, big time flawed - and i have never said i was not - yet in the "flawed nature" i do not think i have ever walked away from a person in need [and if i did i am so very sorry] - i have tried to be a shoulder, a ear, a voice to help and support. i have tried to be a voice to those who profess to be "followers" and call them to a life that strives to make a difference - sometimes my words and advice are not the best - but i am ok with that - all i can say is i strive to care - i strive to show some level of grace - sometimes more and sometimes less. given that, i have to say that over the past few years i have been meeting people who just seem to ignore the love and grace of christ for others, and it causes my heart to hurt - i cry over the way others seem to treat those seeking grace, love and forgiveness - and they do it in the name of "jesus." it is as if a man is crying in the cold and all they will do is "pray for him" and give him a bar of soap; then say, "look, we helped him by doing the best we could." then, when someone says, "no, you should have given him a blanket" they reply with, "all we had was soap, so we did the best we could." but the question echos, is our "best" that we are called to give - or are we called to go beyond our best, and into the world of meeting the needs of others?

you see, in my flawed nature i understand that living in grace, and sharing love and forgiveness with others, pushes me beyond my best; it pushes me to give of myself to the point of giving away part of myself - it means, that if i truly desire to share with others i must give a piece of myself in the process - and never ask for it back. i must be willing to give of myself, to the end of my life, to help others. this is not the "prevailing wisdom" which teaches "we give of what we have left" - we would never think of giving of ourselves to the point of our lives.

but if we are unwilling to truly go beyond our best we never truly seek to give grace, forgiveness and love to others - oh, sure we will talk a good game, but we will never truly do anything to help.

so, where can one find grace? in you? in me? in the community of faith we gather in? where does one find grace?