what i would look like if all you knew was my spam folder

have you ever wondered what people would think about you if all they could see was your spam folder? think about that, if all we had was your spam folder what would we think about you?

ok, granted - i am bored. i am sitting in my fav cafe [la boca, in sacramento], watching soccer, while watching all the interactions of the people - and it got me thinking [right after i dumped over 1,500 emails from just one spam folder from one email account] what would people think of me if they simply read my spam folder? i mean, how would i come across? granted, i do not have much control of what comes via email into spam - but still, what would others think? if, 1,000 years from now, some futures indiana jones finds a copy of my spam folder, what would they write about me? here is what i think "future indy" would write about me:

"the subject sought to save hundreds of dollars on his car insurance, while seeking the best rates to finance and refinance his just purchased foreclosed home in the neighborhood of his dreams. He seemed to have done this while spending two free night in vegas, popping viagra and "natural male enhancement" pills he received via cheap canadian pharmacies, purchased with his free online credit card with a low introductory rate [while seeking to eliminate credit card debt]. It seems he spends his evening with special people he "hooked-up" with via the net, which he connected to using his free "powerful" laptop - all that between colon cleaning and weight loss. it is amazing that he found the time to receive his "cheap" online degrees in criminal justice, physiology and ministry, while striving to retire in three years."

if all people knew about you was what was in your span folder, what would you look like? what if people judged you via your spam folder? well, that seems unfair to ask, because in reality most of us do judge people by their "spam folder" - we judge people on what they look like, their past actions and the "spam" that fills their lives from others - we do it all the time - but, what if you knew what others thought of you - would that change your mind? being defined by our spam folders seems harsh, but so does judging people by what others have to say, or their past actions - hmmm, what does your spam folder say about you?

searching for grace

where do you find grace? where can we, as humans, find grace and unconditional love? where can we find a place that welcomes us for us? where can we be loved for who we are and not what others demand of us? where can we find a place where we are acknowledged as having value? where can we find a place that helps us over come the pains of life? where can we find a place that simply will help take the pressures off our shoulder? where are we welcomed when we are broken? when we are lost? when we are searching? when we are crying out in pain? where do we find grace?

to be honest, i am not sure. i am not sure where we could ever find this place - a place that just takes you as you - a place that allows you to be flawed, and loves you in spite of the flaws. while i expect the "let down" of people, i do not expect the "let down" of people who profess to be "followers" of "the way." you see, at some level i expect "people" to stab me in the back, but i do not expect to fall to "friendly fire." how do we get past that? how do we get to the point where we as followers truly live in grace?

i am flawed, big time flawed - and i have never said i was not - yet in the "flawed nature" i do not think i have ever walked away from a person in need [and if i did i am so very sorry] - i have tried to be a shoulder, a ear, a voice to help and support. i have tried to be a voice to those who profess to be "followers" and call them to a life that strives to make a difference - sometimes my words and advice are not the best - but i am ok with that - all i can say is i strive to care - i strive to show some level of grace - sometimes more and sometimes less. given that, i have to say that over the past few years i have been meeting people who just seem to ignore the love and grace of christ for others, and it causes my heart to hurt - i cry over the way others seem to treat those seeking grace, love and forgiveness - and they do it in the name of "jesus." it is as if a man is crying in the cold and all they will do is "pray for him" and give him a bar of soap; then say, "look, we helped him by doing the best we could." then, when someone says, "no, you should have given him a blanket" they reply with, "all we had was soap, so we did the best we could." but the question echos, is our "best" that we are called to give - or are we called to go beyond our best, and into the world of meeting the needs of others?

you see, in my flawed nature i understand that living in grace, and sharing love and forgiveness with others, pushes me beyond my best; it pushes me to give of myself to the point of giving away part of myself - it means, that if i truly desire to share with others i must give a piece of myself in the process - and never ask for it back. i must be willing to give of myself, to the end of my life, to help others. this is not the "prevailing wisdom" which teaches "we give of what we have left" - we would never think of giving of ourselves to the point of our lives.

but if we are unwilling to truly go beyond our best we never truly seek to give grace, forgiveness and love to others - oh, sure we will talk a good game, but we will never truly do anything to help.

so, where can one find grace? in you? in me? in the community of faith we gather in? where does one find grace?

welcoming and inviting?

some questions:
how do you define feeling welcomed into a "church?" what would make you never step foot in a "church" again? how would you define feeling "invited" to a "church?" what do you think are the core realities of feeling welcomed and invited? would you feel welcomed in a "church" if you could not find it? would you feel invited to a "church" if there was no one around who could tell you where the "church" was? if you called a "church" on sunday morning, looking to go, but could not speak to a person and only heard a tape [without directions, or even address] what would you do?

the story:
last sunday i had that exact experience - i tried hard to find a local christian church, disciples of christ congregation in sacramento [it is not my style to give the exact name of the local church - besides, what happened after was even more enlightening] only to get no where - the local church had the wrong link to a map on their site, so i googled the address and got directions. after driving in the area for a while i was not able to find the church - so i did the next best thing...

first i stopped into a local store and asked for directions - the store was filled with people getting their morning stuff and no one, no one [not one person there], had ever heard of the church. facing the reality that this church was not connected to the community, i did the next thing i could think of, i called the church. now, i was "in the area" and it was about a half hour before services so i figured i would catch someone in the office and get directions - but all i got was a voice message - so i drove around some more and called again - all i got was the same voice message - so i stopped by a local church in the area and just brushed off the experience as "well, so it goes."

the more i thought about the experience the more concerned i got about the reality of how i felt, so when i got home i decided to email the regional minister for the disciples and explain my frustration and let them know that the way the church "acted" [or did not act] allowed a lack of "welcoming and inviting" to the church - i did not think the email was that bad, it just explained my view and how i felt - the response i got spoke volumes to me - because it discounted my feelings and simply gave excuses as to why the church acted as it did - i replied back and simply expressed my concern about having my experience discounted and how i felt about being given a list of excused for why the church did what it did [or did not do]. but the next email was not a reply from the regional minister, but rather from someone he asked to email me and "explain deeper." the email was rather interesting, and very condescending. she tried to make me feel as if i was the problem for feeling unwelcomed and i did not understand. again, all i got from her was the same list of reasons why the church acted as it did - and my feelings were discounted and pushed to the side.

feeling welcomed and invited:
to invite someone to my home i need to give them the address and help them find the house. if i give the wrong address, or do not give the directions, i am telling them - in a round about way - that they are not welcomed at my house. the same is true for the church. if you tell people, "come" but they have no idea how to get there - you are not saying "come" - you are saying "stay away."

now, there can be a million reasons why a church would not be welcoming or inviting but to be honest none of them are valid. let's be honest, and say straight out, that there there are no reasons for a church to be closed. we all know it, we all say it but we still give excuses for those who do it. one of the first things we need to remember is that it is not "our home" - it is a gathering of community, open to all who are seeking to know christ - what if i was a person who was not a follower, and in a quick decision decided to "go to church" - and could not find the church - would i go again? would i look at it as say, "well, looks like God did not want me to go to church."

while i am not impressed with how the church closed its doors to the community, i am less impressed with how the "leadership" of the denomination simply making excuses for the church. we, as followers, need to be open, honest and stop allowing bad behavior of leaders and churches as they ignore the reality of being open and inviting.

closing:
it is not my desire to "pick on" the "christian church, disciples of christ; i am certain other church have the same problems. but keep this in mind, the "vision" of the disciples of christ is "to be a faithful, growing church, that demonstrates true community, deep christian spirituality and a passion for justice"

yet i wonder; for me, the interesting thing is that to "demonstrate true community" means people are welcomed and invited, to have a "deep spirituality" means we are willing to be more like christ and less like others and if we have a "passion for justice" we do not ignore the feelings of others, and their realities and make excuses for the actions of others.

bad churches - the liers

the background:
some time at the end of may, beginning of june, i received a email from a bud telling me they heard of a church in the sacramento area that was looking for a pastor - he sent me a email address, but no web link [cornerstone christian church in el dorado hills does not have a website - recently i did find out it was formally "el dorado hills baptist church - in el dorado hills; which i had no idea about at the time i sent my resume] - and a short note saying, "they want to go in a new direction" - well, i am not keen on that [as i will explain later] but he was a friend so i send an email anyway saying:

"i received a email from a friend telling me that you were looking for a pastor, if that is the case i would be interested in sending a resume" -

that was it, the gist of the email - short and sweet; you see, i try not to send a resume just to send a resume - it is kind of a "test." you see, i have found that most churches are not caring enough to send a reply to an email asking for information, and that is the kind of church i have no desire to team with in ministry. i desire to open a dialog and ask questions about the church long before i send a resume. let me be honest, i can be a rather "radical" individual and as a pastor i truly expect those in "overseer" roles to actually do something and be an example of faith ["boards" are stiff and are only useful if they are walked on, or to build boxes with - and in either case i am not comfortable] - so i know i can be a pain in the ass, but i believe to walk in the light of christ requires us to stop talking and start doing, but i digress.

i send that email on june 5th, and as my test proves more times then not i never received a reply back; i figured they just "blew me off" [as most churches will do] - and that is not a big deal, because the more i thought about it the idea of "wanting to go in a new direction" should have caused me to not even think of sending an email - because in "church speak" "wanting to go in a new direction" always means "we got pissed at our old pastor and fired his boney little ass because he would not listen to a thing we told him to do - so, we are looking for a pastor with no balls to come in and do as we demand; keeping in mind that if what we tell him to do does not work we will still blame him for the failure and kick his boney little ass out on the streets with his family - like we did the last pastor." i should have known, but i sent anyway - why? i have no idea.

the "red flag"
the more i think about it, the more i realize the "want to go in a new direction" and the no website thing are two very large "red flags." you see in my world if the church does not have a website it is not in the 21st century - and that speaks volumes to "wanting to go in a new direction." now, at the time i had no idea the church was with the southern baptist church [another red flag], but that seems to be the the "norm" for southern baptist churches in the sacramento area, of all the southern baptist churches in the association less then 30% have a website, and just over 60% have an email address. maybe i was caught at a weak moment and thought, "well a friend said it was ok" - i have no idea, all i know is that it all came back this morning.

i got a reply:
this morning i opened my email and received a email from the "cornerstone christian church" - almost 3 months later - saying this:

"Thank you for your interest in the Lead Pastor position at Cornerstone Christian Church. We received over 130 applicants and, after much deliberation and prayer, we have narrowed our search to five individuals. We regret to inform you that at this time, we are no longer considering your application for this position.

May God guide you as you continue to seek his will and direction."

the lie - and the reaction:
what caused me some "concern" was that i never sent them an application - so what did they give "much deliberation and prayer" over? of the 130, mine was not in the mix - so, what were they praying over with my "application" [the one they did not recieve]? you see, to me, this is a lie - the church lied - it never received an application, so it could have never consider it at any point in time - but that is par for the course.

this little adventure reenfources my feelings twords the church and is just another reason why i do not like organized religion, and why i find most - if not all - churches to be a place of "questionable morals" at best - what i have found oer my years of dealing with churchesmis that, almost all the churches i have emailed and asked for information have either not answered my email at all, or if they did answer my email they simply referred me to their website for answers - and they never answer any questions i have had - why?

cornerstone christian church lied - now, i am sure that may seem harsh for some to here - and i am sure others will put it back on me saying things like "well, we all lie" - but i expect much more from a church - think about that for a sec, if the church lies about something how can i believe what they say about anything? if they lie about receiving a resume [which may seem small] how do i know they are not lying to me when they say they will love and care for me and my family? when does a church, or christian, cross the line between "little white lie" and "big bold black lie?" at what point does the church say, "it is ok for us [the church] to lie, but it is not ok for others to lie?" if i were to lie in the church would i be asked to leave? why should we view what they do as a "mistake" and what others do as a "lie?"

cornerstone christian church does not care - hard to grasp? but that is exactly what it tells me by not responding to my email for almost three months, and then replying with a message that does not apply to me at all - think about that - the church, as i have experienced it, treats people applying for a position with less dignity and honor then corporate america - i have been treated much better when i apply for a non-church position then when i apply for a church position - my questions are answered and my calls are returned.

solution:
churches need to be above what the world expects - they need to care, be honest and gracious in replying to emails - they need to be above what others expect from corporate america, and they need to show that people come before anything else - churches need to get rid of the corporate mentality and start to treat people with honor and dignity - they need to go beyond lip service and truly express the desires of christ - because the words of christ guides us, not the laws of man - hard to grasp? maybe, but until it changes, many people like me will not step foot into a church because we are tired of being hurt, insulted, belittled and thought of as something less then a child of God