what are you?

i was talking with a person not to long ago that seemed rather "upset" - actually, they were very upset - with my refusing to take on words like "christian" or "evangelical" or "saved" or "whatever" in connection with my faith walk. while they seemed to be upset with a great many things about me, that was one of the biggest - the "other biggest" later in the week - so they asked me, "well, what are you?" as if i needed to "be something" they could define to be me; to be someone. i was rather insulted, and asked for them to "go deeper" with the request - well, this upset them even more and they pulled the "it depends on your definition of it" line from the clinton slap-down; as if that was going to make me back down in fear. so i said, "ok, you know more about these things then i seem to know, so then what am i?"

they did not seem to have an answer; what they wanted was to "direct" the conversation and have me "admit" i was a lost puppy in need of their guidance "back to the lord" this way they could make me think that i saw my path was wrong - so they asked me again, "what are you? if you are not christian, what are you?" so i said, "humm, let me see, how about 'a follower of jesus.'" they said, "so that makes you a christian." not sure it does, in fact i am pretty sure it does not. let me explain -

being a follower of jesus means i place the words of jesus above all others - now, we can debate over what jesus did and did not say - but all in all, i take the worlds of jesus over paul and others; most "christian" while claiming they do, truly don't. in fact, i take the words of james and jude [brothers of jesus] over the words of paul - after all, they lived with jesus and paul never met the guy. so, who knows jesus better then jesus and his brothers and sisters?

i also think being a follower of jesus means i am willing to follow in jesus' foot steps, and not in the foot steps of preachers and pastors who think their shit doesn't stink. i care less what robertson, hybell, or any other preacher has to say - i look to jesus as an example of how i am to live and how i am to interact with others. i look at most preachers and pastors and i see how i do not desire to act, or how i do not desire to be - if looking at them means i believe i should be doing what they are not doing, then following them seems all out stupid.

another thing i think shows a difference is that being a follower of jesus means i do not care about the church, because it is not a place where support, comfort or grace can be found - if the church is just like every other place, filled with "people who are lost" then what value is the church? if they are just as lost as i am, why would i follow them? why would i want to be a member of such a club? if they treat me just like everyone else, why join their club? heck, if i join the loin' i at least get a lunch out of the deal.

over the past years, i, and my family, have been abused by the church and used by the church and hurt by the church too many times to count. the "church" always uses the same excuse to justify what they do and how they act, that say, "we are imperfect humans and sometimes that means we hurt each other" - may i suggest they read scripture and find out we are suppose to be changed! we are not suppose to hurt each other, and we are never to hurt another to the point of them walking away from the church - and in reality, when i interview those who have left the church most of the time it is because they were treated poorly.

what am i? simple, i am me; a follower of jesus - nothing more and nothing less. i care for others, love others and strive to do what is right each and every day by others. i am willing to do what it takes to help others and to love those who walk with me as jesus loved me, and those who are walking in different paths, i love as i love myself. i have no idea where this faith walk will lead, but i can assure you i am not evangelical - because i just don't like the uniform and the commitment is lose; i am not a "christian" because that carries with it some big bags that mean nothing and simply cause a great deal of pain to others. i like where God has brought me, and i am comfortable with my faith walk - i can only hope others are also.