an idea of trust
trust is a very interesting thing. in the modern world you "earn trust" or you "lose trust." trust is not "a given" as the basis of many modern relationships. it seems many people have a natural order to "distrust" others. no matter what is shared, no matter what is "proven" some people just do not trust others - and in many cases they do so without any reasons - as one person once told me, "it is just my nature not to trust."
i am uncomfortable with that idea of life - with the idea that seems to express doubt in the hearts and actions of others. i just do not fit well in that world, a world where doubt and skepticism rule the ideas and words of others. i am just very uncomfortable around people who do not trust others. you see, i think people who do not trust others simply do not trust themselves.
trust is the center of every relationship we have with others. every time we express doubt we lose part of ourselves, we lose a part that we can not get back. for those of us who find trust to be the most important part of human relationships missing parts of who we are simply means we never truly know the person we seem to be.
3 comments:
from a psychological point of view, i think trust develops when a child is growing up. Their surrounding gives them the idea of trust and security. For me I've always had a hard time trusting. But i do not trust that part of me. lol. so i'm always trying to understand why i am the way i am to give a better life for my future children (i was meant to be a mom.)
for example i trust and the trust is taken away with my dad. he was always in and out of my life and still is. therefore i have a hard time trusting fully any man in my life, pastor, friend, husband, stepfather, boss, etc. then theres my mother who had a hard time with boundaries and giving them to me so that i could grow up feeling secure. i do not trust my surroundings and i was never really given the chance to trust myself in them. i know i'm going all Freudian on you so sorry.
also "not trusting" and choosing not to trust is definitely a coping mechanism. instead of just writing off a person who cant trust maybe hint to them the idea of one day learning to trust. Emphasis on one day. because everyone grows at their own pace.
i feel church tends to pressure people to grow faster than they are able to and forgets that God accepts them where they are at and only God can teach them and lead them into the right path. (growing as in becoming more like christ as in being perfect. always growing meaning always finding a fault you can fix inside yourself. such a detrimental way to teach people in a world racked with comparison and eating disorders.)
My ideas about trust have changed a lot over the past three years working with homeless men. If someone's backed in to a corner by our economic system, how can you then suddenly trust them? Trust is complicated, but if you learn when to trust and when not to, it demystifies it a bit.
I worked at a church as an associate pastor where I was expected to work 50 hours a week in the office and do anything outside of the office which was work related on my own time. I was working 6 days a week with 2 weeks vacation time a year which needed months of notice for approval. Needless to say I have been long gone from there and used it as a springboard to start our own ministry. Some church leaders are highly paranoid control freaks. There is no reconciliation and no give and take with these people. They are mentally ill. Time to move on when these people are around. They destroy churchs and the lives of countless people. In the end they blame everyone but themselves. Their lack of trust in others destroys all that they are trying to do.
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